Perfectionism often feels like a badge of honor, especially in middle and high school, where academics and sports demand excellence. For Gillian, striving for perfection became an overwhelming pressure that led to a breakdown.

As a middle schooler, Gillian felt the weight of needing to be the best in both sports and grades. What started as determination quickly spiraled into anxiety. “I would panic if I felt like I wasn’t doing something good enough or correct,” she shared. The pressure continued to mount, and by the time she reached high school, her anxiety worsened, manifesting in panic attacks and perfectionism that became unmanageable.

Gillian excelled in tennis, but the increasing demands of her sport and academics left her emotionally drained. Her high expectations became crippling, leading to feelings of deep self-hatred. “I had this deep self-hatred because I kept failing the expectations I was putting on myself,” she recalls.

Unable to cope with the overwhelming pressure, Gillian turned to self-harm as a way to regain control. The physical pain became a way to distract from her emotional suffering. But as the cycle of self-harm intensified, so did her struggles with anxiety and depression.

It wasn’t until a pivotal moment in her freshman year of college that Gillian’s life began to change. After reaching a point where she had made plans to take her life, Gillian encountered a girl who shared the gospel with her. “I realized I wanted what she had,” Gillian said, recognizing the peace and love that came from a relationship with Christ.

That encounter led her to a life-altering decision to commit to her faith and begin healing. For the first time, Gillian understood that God saw her—exactly as she was—and loved her. “I thought I wasn’t enough for God, that I was too broken. But God’s love saw past my brokenness.”

Today, Gillian continues to lean into God’s grace, finding healing in His love. Her journey is a powerful reminder that even in our darkest moments, we are not alone, and God’s love is waiting to heal the broken places in our hearts.

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